Ask Better Questions

No one drifts to their desired destination. The process of creating a meaningful life requires two things: intention; and focused energy applied in the direction of our intention, otherwise known as focused attention.

How do we get started in determining our intention? Sometimes it helps to ask better questions. What do I mean by “better” questions? In moments when we become aware that we’re adrift in our own life, it’s tempting to ask unhelpful questions, like “Why is this happening to me?” Or “What’s wrong with me?” Or “Why is so-and-so doing so well, but I can’t seem to get ahead?” Or “Why do I even exist?”

At times like that, it can be helpful to shift our focus to different kinds of questions: questions that help us evaluate where we are, where we want to go, and how to get from here to there.

Ready? Here’s a sample.

How do I show up in life? Do people light up when I enter a room? Or when I leave it? How aware am I of the way I engage with others? With the way I speak? Behave? If the way I do things is as important as the things I do, how am I doing? Am I even aware that the way I show up in life - in relation to other people and in relation to myself - is a choice? Do I need to shift the way I show up? What are small things I can do to that end?

Am I moving forward in my life & purpose? Am I connecting & contributing? Am I living out my role as a creative contributor? Or am I merely existing as a consumer? Isolated in escapism? Am I engaging my life? Or am I trying to escape it? Do I need to shift? How can I shift from escapism to engagement?

Am I stuck? Am I coasting? Am I cycling in stasis, repeating patterns from the past? Am I hoping things will get better? Or am I making them better? What actions am I taking to produce the results I want? Am I willing to make the leap if it means moving towards my goals?

How do I approach my problems? With doom & gloom? With paralyzing anxiety? With resignation that they’ll never get better? Or with a sense of optimism that my thoughts, words and actions can make a difference?

What does an optimally functional & effective life look like? How about marriage? Vocation? Spiritual life? Relationships with friends & extended family? On a scale of 1-10, how “optimally functional & effective” would I rate all these areas? How can I move the needle in these areas of my life? In all areas of my life?

Where do I actively focus my attention? Where do I passively allow my attention to drift? If our neurology is shaped and built in response to the way we focus our attention, what kind of brain am I building?

What about inputs & influences? What books am I reading? Who am I surrounding myself with? If we become the books we read and the people we associate with, who am I becoming? Do I need to cut ties with anyone? Do I need to seek out wise counsel or better friends? Do I need to read better books?

When it comes down to it, the way we show up in life is a choice: we can make the leap, put in the work, take the actions necessary to move our lives forward, and live life in crescendo, knowing that the best is yet to come; or we can play it safe, assume the role of the victim, stay stuck in past patterns, and drift into entropy, resigning ourselves to the “fact” that the best days of our lives are behind us.

The choice is ours.

I'm Under The Bus And I Can't Get Up

When it comes to initiating positive change in our own lives, why do things get hard?

Often when we’re trying to make positive changes in our life, there comes a point when we get stuck. We have a plan, we know the steps, we know what we're supposed to do. We start strong, we're on track for a day, a week, a month... but somewhere along the way we lose focus, we lose sight of the big picture, we start to drift.

Has this happened to you? It's certainly happened to me. Why is this?

Now, we could be talking about any kind of change: professional development, financial or relational changes, spiritual or personal development, education- whatever. For the sake of this discussion we'll keep it in the realm of physical health - 'cause that's how I help people - making changes to our health by attaining and maintaining a healthy weight. We start strong, but at some point we get stuck and it feels like were banging our head against a wall. We wake up with good intentions, but by mid afternoon the mojo is gone and the coffee in the break room just ain’t gonna cut it, so we go for the next best thing, which might be our coworkers bagel or a slice of pumpkin roll that our cubicle mate's better half made because "it’s the holidays!" Then, about a minute after the last bite goes down the hatch, we come to our senses and go "Whyyyy? I had such good intentions! Why do I end up under the bus every day at 3 PM?"

Been there? Yep, me too.

So what’s missing?

A lot of times what’s missing is a set of clearly defined goals. But more than that, what’s missing is the reason(s) behind those goals, the "why" behind the "what."

What does this mean?

I'll use myself as an example. If I say I want to lose weight, that’s OK but it’s not very clear - it denotes direction but not a destination. So I refine it, say I want to lose 40 pounds. OK, better, but now ask why: Why do I want to lose 40 pounds? Because my doctor said I should? My wife said I should? My kids, my friends, my life insurance agent said I should? Man everywhere I go I got people shoulding all over me! And these people may be well intentioned, but they are all external to myself. I know from experience that when the motivating factors are extrinsic - outside myself - it’s not going to work, or at least it’s not going to work for very long.

So what do I do?

I need to get crystal clear on my goals, and my reasons - not someone else’s reasons - my reasons why those goals matter. Once I have my goals, my reasons, and the reasons for those reasons, then executing the plan, following a program, creating positive change, becomes natural expression of my intrinsic motivation.

And there’s a simple way to keep these intrinsic motivations is front and center. Ready for this?

Write it down, and post it somewhere you can see it. "That's it?" That's it.

Let me illustrate. My background is in architecture and construction. At every project, inside every job trailer, the contractor has a plan center, which consists of a rack of drawings, and a table to roll them out and look at them so he can see the big picture, drill down on the details, and check overall progress. During the course of a project, the contractor consults the plans on a regular basis - daily; hourly; minutely if necessary - in order to keep the project on track and on schedule, so that at the end of each phase of the project everybody - the owner, the architect, the contractor - can verify that the project has been created in accordance with the plans.

In contrast, can you imagine a construction project where the Contractor looked at the drawings once at the beginning of the project, then rolled them up and shoved them in the corner, thinking "I got this." Yikes!

For the purposes of personal development, of creating health, creating positive changes in our lives, let’s create a Plan Center. Once we have everything written down - our crystal-clear goals, and our reasons why those goals matter - post them in your Plan Center. Keep it concise - one page, no more: this is what I want, and these are the reasons why I want it. Maybe your Plan Center is your bathroom mirror, maybe it’s a cork board at your office, or the wallpaper on your laptop, or the photo on your smart phone. Maybe you have copies of it in all those places. The key is to keep it someplace you can see it and consult it every day. This is not set-it-and-forget-it, that’s not how people work.

Daily.

Hourly.

Minutely.

Make it your morning meditation, your mid afternoon mantra. Do whatever you need to do to keep it top of mind. And let it be a living, breathing document, subject to ongoing refinement. As you progress, you're going to learn things you don't know now. That's a good thing, it's called being a human being. Incorporate this stuff into your plan: edit, revise, update, retool, reprint, and repost. Keep it where you can see it.

If you don't... Well, I'm not gonna say that you won't succeed, but I'e been there, and when the "why" is unclear or undefined or it gets hazy, success can be elusive. And when we don't get the results we want, when our goals go unfulfilled, when our hopes and expectations go unmet, it's easy to fall into the thought trap of "oh well, I guess it's not for me."

Believe me, I've spent years there. It's a lie.

Change is possible, lasting, positive change. You just have change the way you think about how you think about it. Which is where I am now.

If you can get your hands around this, if you can anchor your motivation and tie it to your actions, you can achieve whatever you want. Impossible becomes Possible.

If you're trying to initiate positive change in your life with regard to your health, weight, and fitness, if you're interested in any of this and you have questions, if you have goals but you feel like you're stuck in a rut - please reach out! Find me on Facebook (there's a link here somewhere), shoot me a friend request and PM me, or email me at DavidJamesPhillips[at]Gmail.com. Let's start a conversation, see if we can awaken your intrinsic motivation, and get you headed toward positive change in your life.

Peace.

David Phillips

Live Dangerously

"All men dream, but not equally.  Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was all vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible."  T.E. Lawrence, The Seven Pillars of Wisdom

People are dreamers, but too often we kid ourselves about our dreams.  We tell ourselves "If only" and "It's too big" and "I could never."  "Life is what it is," we say.  "Too late to change things now."

"It's Impossible."  With a capital "I".

But every day we don't take the path less traveled is a lost opportunity.  See, the "Impossible" is seldom actually impossible.  Usually it means "improbable" and is accompanied by the discomfort of the unknown, and the suspicion that it's going to be a lot of work to make it happen.  Challenging?  Yes.  Impossible?  No.

Take my friend Jon.  Early on, he knew he wanted to be a missionary.  He went to school, got the training, married a like-minded woman, and together they equipped themselves to follow this calling.  Then he took a pastoral position in a church, they settled in, had four kids, and began to think that the dream was over.  I mean, is it really responsible to take your kids overseas like that?  Then, while on a short-term mission trip to Bolivia, Jon met a missionary.  This man had a wife and five kids.  In Bolivia.  Jon had a heart-to-heart with his wife, and together they did some serious soul searching.  Today they're missionaries in Prague.  Czech Republic, baby!

Or my friend Luke.  He and his wife were born and raised in the USA, yet somehow they seem to have English souls.  They just spent the holidays in London.  Why?  They love the UK!  So much so that they're considering the prospect of moving there, if only temporarily.  It's too early to tell if their plans will pan out, as they still have some petty logistics to work out - things like visas and money and food and shelter.  Time will tell.  I hope they make it.

"I get a lot of email from people who say that this is their dream, but that their situation prevents them from doing it themselves.  These people are fooling themselves and wasting their opportunity.  Imagine you're 90 years old with terminal cancer.  Now would you have done it?  Because in a blink of an eye you're going to be 90 years wondering where your whole life went."  - Brad van Orden, author of Drive Nacho Drive, in an interview with Overland Journal

For some, "Impossible" might involve vast landscapes with names like Everest, or Patagonia, or heck, the moon.  For most of us, "Impossible" is likely to be a little closer to home.  Lose weight.  Run a seven-minute mile.  Travel more.  Move to a different country.  Write a book.  Go back to school.  Start a new career.  Create a new life.

For my wife and I, our "Impossible" began the day I gave my two weeks notice back in August, 2012.  Today, my lovely wife Stacy brings home the bacon while she trains for a marathon, and I homeschool our son, and get to ride my bike pretty much whenever I want.

"This row across the Atlantic Ocean will create memories that you will take to your grave.  The dolphins, the sharks, the storms, the struggles - it's all priceless.  Your years of work will all blur into one another.  But this year won't.  Believe me, forty years down the road, you're not going to kick yourself for having rowed across an ocean."  - Julie Angus, author of Rowboat In A Hurricane

As our life unfolds, what used to appear to be "impossible" has become our "normal."  Then a funny thing starts to happen.  New dreams arise, new goals appear on the horizon.  Ultra-marathon?  Tour Divide?

Impossible?  Time will tell.

In the mean time, we live a life with no regrets.

What's your "Impossible" dream?  Live dangerously.

Moving Mountains

I watched a TED talk this morning by Philippe Petit, the high-wire walker featured in the 2008 documentary Man On Wire.  Petit is an expert story teller, and in less than twenty minutes gives a riveting synopsis of a life of beating the impossible.  My favorite line comes right at the end, when he says -

"When you see mountains, remember - they can be moved."

How often does losing weight and "getting healthy" seem impossible?  I can't remember how many times I tried and failed to make lasting changes in my life with regard to health and weight.  That is until I discovered Take Shape For Life.

Take Shape For Life is not a diet.  It is a way of overhauling your way of life.  See, I knew that my way of life had created a problem that needed fixing, and that another diet was not the solution.  By forging new habits, I've been able to reorient my way of life toward optimal health and longevity.

In other words, mountains have been moved.

Has your way of life created a weight problem you need to address?  Have you tried and failed to lose weight and keep it off?  Is your weight causing other problems with your health?  Do you have mountains you'd like to move?

I am a FREE Health Coach with Take Shape For Life, and if you're coachable, I can help.  Contact me, and let's reorient your way of life toward optimal health and longevity.

Be inspired, and never forget that mountains can be moved.

DavidJamesPhillips@Gmail.com

My Dinghy's On Fire!

When Cortez reached the new world, he burned his ships to ensure he and his crew could not go back the way they came.  Onward!

I burned a little ship of my own the other day.  Okay, maybe not a "ship" per se - more like a dinghy.

We just returned home from family vacation in Carlsbad, our annual week at the beach.  It was bliss.  However, vacations can pose a challenge when it comes to making productive eating decisions.  Different sights, different people, different kitchen.  All of these "differents" can throw the routine off, if you know what I mean.  Let's just say not all my decisions were productive ones in light of my health goals.  Nothing major, but enough to make me start to question my ability to maintain for the long term.

When we returned home, I was reminded of where I was a couple years ago.  As I unpacked, I found my old swimming trunks tucked away in a drawer.  My "big daddy" trunks.

For years, I've had two pairs of swimming trunks: my "fit daddy" goal trunks, and my "big daddy" trunks.  In the past, I'd take both pairs on vacation, hoping against hope that I could get the fit daddy trunks up past my rump.  I would try, then abandon the effort, break out the big daddy's, sigh as I slipped them on, then pretend I wasn't embarrassed to go outside without a shirt.

Yup, there they are.  Don't melt your retinas.

Last year was the first year I was actually able to get the "fit daddy" trunks on.  This year, I didn't even pack the "big daddy" trunks.  When we got home, there they were.

See, I've kept them around, just in case.  Just in case it all goes to pot.  Just in case I throw it all away and blow up again.  Just in case I get selfish and lazy again, and decide that instant gratification is more important than fitness and longevity.

I cut them in half and threw them in the trash.  Just like that.  Because there will not be a "just in case."  There will not be a next time.  I burned my dinghy.  Because--

I.  Am.  Not.  Going.  Back.

Arguably, shredding a pair of shorts may be a small milestone to some (I've seen my formidable wife Stacy dispose of yard-bags filled with old "big girl" clothes).  But it was a big deal to me.

Onward!

Do you have a ship you wish you could burn?  Any "big boy" clothes you wish you could give away?  I can help!  I am a Certified Health Coach with Take Shape For Life, and I can help you achieve your health goals.  Hey, life is too short to pretend to not be embarrassed at the beach.  Join me, and let's move forward together.

DavidJamesPhillips@Gmail.com

If We Don't Change Anything, Nothing Changes

People say change is hard.  But the hardest part of change is not the change itself, but recognizing that it’s necessary.  Somehow, we need to realize that we’re oblivious or in denial about certain aspects of our lives, and acknowledge that we alone are responsible to actually do something about it.

Outside Magazine recently published an article titled "YOU'RE DELUSIONAL ABOUT YOUR HEALTH."  Subtle, but it hits close to home. 

I was at a conference during my "thick" years, and one of the attendees and I sported remarkably similar hairstyles.  Naturally I thought I rocked it and that he didn't, in particular because I viewed him as "thick" and myself as, well, less thick.  Fine, I viewed myself as svelte, and gloated to myself about how lean & mean I looked.  A month later I received the quarterly newsletter from the conference sponsor, and there on the cover was a photo of me and the other similarly coiffed dude.  And we looked the same.  Same hair, same gut, same chins (yes, more than one each).  The.  Same.  If anything, I was the thick one.  Talk about deluded.

We train ourselves to see our bodies in a certain way.  We think, “Oh, I’m not that thick.”  Really?  Then we catch ourselves off guard and get a glimpse of the truth.  Ever been tagged in a candid photo on Facebook and not recognize yourself?  Ever catch a reflection in a window or a mirror as you round a corner at the mall?  Who is that person?

We become desensitized to our own condition.  Like the “cat lady” who lives alone because she can no longer smell the dozen-plus felines that keep her company, we become desensitized to our physical condition.  We simply get used to it. 

Admitting we have a problem is the first step to recovery, right?

So let’s say you have a vague notion of the truth about yourself, but you don’t really know what to do.  How does one create health?  For a long time after my delusion shattered, I had no clue.  All I knew was that something had to change.  I just didn’t know what, or how, or… anything.  So for a long time, I did nothing.

And you know what I found?  If you don’t change anything, nothing changes.  Hoping and wishing and pining and dreaming for change doesn’t get the job done.  It’s not until we actually do something about the problem that things stand a chance of turning around. 

So if you want optimal health in your life but you don't know how to create it, chances are you're probably not doing anything intentional about it.  Hey, there’s good news: you’ve already nailed the hard part, realizing the need to change. 

If all you lack is the tools, then I’m your guy.  I have been where you are now, and I’m telling you it’s possible.  Once we have the tools to make the change, the change itself is not that difficult.  I’m a Health Coach with Take Shape For Life, and I can help.  Contact me, and let’s make the change.

“It's never too late to be what you might have been.”  –George Elliot.

DavidJamesPhillips@Gmail.com